My Blog

I am thankful I can access this blog once again. It’s been
eons before I could start blogging here. That’s why you’ll see a wide gap
between my blog dates.

I like it when my friends react on my blogs. I didn’t know
they find me too soft and sweet for my blogs. Some of my blogs here are not so
“very me” as they put it.

Well, my dearest ones, I am a true blue Piscean, I guess.
Keep that in mind. Extremely extreme. I am an embodiment of all ironies in life
and you will see that in my blogs. My childhood friends told me that there is
only one predictable trait that I have and that is, UNPREDICTABILITY.

By the way, I got rid of my cutie journals and
feather-capped pens. I believe, technological advancement should be utilized to
its full capacity. The way I see it, blogs are the high-tech version of
journals.

Why would I post my journal for all to see? I believe
whatever crap I write here will touch someone’s life. Some will think that no
matter how heavy their burden is, mine is heavier. This for sure will give them
a sort of relief. Some can resonate in what I’m saying and will feel better
that someone, somewhere is going through the same ordeals as she/he is going
through. Whatever it is that I write here, no matter how selfish, self-centered
and irrelevant it may seem I believe that somehow it will have some resonance
to at least one person. Even if it’s only one reader, that’s good enough for
me.

This is just a beginning.

"When I am continuously being battered by the storms of life, and my very spirit is ebbing away, then all I need to do is hang onto that gift called ‘Faith’, that one support which will weather the storms. Faith does not depend on a clever head, only belief: belief in the self and the strength that lies within. Faith is the seed of victory and the foundation of making the impossible possible." - www.innerspace.org.uk

In my life, I created an imaginary island where my family, my special friends and the people I love and care about dwell. In this island, the dwellers have privileges that others don’t have: extraordinary treatment that they could never find anywhere else.

Lucky you, you managed to squeeze yourself in this island. I welcomed you whole heartedly because you are special, we are symmetrical – an exact piece of me that chipped off during the Big Bang. I did things I’ve never done before, just to make you feel you are indeed special…gestures I make to each one who belongs in my

Treasure Island

.

Unfortunately, you never learned to appreciate what I did. You were not even thankful. The absurd thing was you misinterpreted the things that I’ve said and done, and even put outrageous  meanings that hurt me a lot…and everytime you do it, you push yourself to the brink of my island.

I can only do so much. I believe I have done enough. I’ve got nothing left to prove and to show for I was open, honest and true all the time.

Now, don’t push yourself out of this island. I don’t wanna lose you. Since you are the one who managed to push yourself to the edge, no one can pull you in but yourself.

You don’t want to cut your privileges, do you? I risked everything for my friends, suffered for those I loved…all these I do for the dwellers of my

Treasure Island

.

The world out there is full of sharks, not to mention the deep blue sea…unless a pirate’s ship will pass by… which is another story.

The first and the last time I met her was when she was still a baby who couldn’t sleep without her cute little pillow with a smell that no one could stand but her….and mind you, she couldn’t sleep without it. ( I guess…I’m giving you away here, girl.). The next time I had a glimpse of what’s in her heart and head was now, right this very hour…through Friendster!

Now, why am I talking about her? Well…she’s all grown up now and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her. I liked her blogs so much. To the point of snatching a line from there and use it here on mine. If this is plagiarism, I feel proud to plagiarize my niece’s writing. After all, despite the fact that I hate plagiarism, I secretly believe that when your works are copied, it means they are very, very special and that you came up with a certain idea in a perfect way that no one can ever put it any better.

I know the line is similar to a quote from Jean Anouilh, a French Dramatist, but it’s the way that Sherry Lynn has put it that struck a string in my heart.

“I will continue to love as many for love has only one arch enemy and that is life’s hourglass.” – Sherry Lynn Lluisma

Her fingers kept on brushing through the long strands of my hair… “Life can be tough sometimes… I understand what you are going through, but you’ll get over it and say: this too, shall pass.” Sweetly, she uttered those comforting words as my tears kept pouring like heavy rains in June. That was my first heartbreak. I had several relationships, but I think, I fell in love only once. He was simple, kind and loving. I gave up so many dreams just to be with him. Ours started as casual that bloomed to a serious informal engagement but unfortunately broken by culture and tradition. We both tried our best to hold on, but fate did not permit. We have to let go. Devastated, the first action I did was to hide in my shell. I didn’t want to see anybody and I didn’t want them to see me, either. Like a turtle, I hid and found solace in the warmth of my carapace. It was 2 a.m. I entered my bedroom, kept the lights off, guided to my bed by the twinkling Christmas lights of my neighbors. My water bed, which normally gives me comfort and coolness, had lost its splendor. I was sweating profusely… even the air conditioner did not help at all. I tried closing my eyes to get some sleep, but my mind was awake. My heart wanted to explode… thoughts, memories flooded my mind! I stood up, rushed out of my apartment and ran a few miles… The doorstep still looked the same as when I was a young woman playing with our dog, Babu. Three pairs of slippers neatly arranged at the left side of the doormat with the faded word “Welcome.” Oh! Welcome, for the first time, I felt the real meaning of that word. I rang the bell… once, twice, it’s 3:30am. I kept on trying. Finally, she opened the door. A surprised look in her face greeted me and without saying a word she gave me the most comforting hug I have ever received from her. Tears kept on streaming down my face as she walked me to her bedroom. She gave me my two favorite pillows and started rubbing my back. Those gentle caresses choke off the pain stuck in my throat and I let out a sob. The sobbing just went on and on… until it turned to a loud cry. Worried but calm, she sat on the bed, gently lifted my head, put it on her lap and started brushing her fingers through my long tresses. That was a long time ago, but her words still reverberate in my mind: “This too, shall pass.” It did. Now, I feel luckier, happier and blessed as I see a clearer, brighter and better future ahead of me. Now, I am ready to fall in love again. Empowered and strengthened by her undying love, I have the courage to fall in love over and again. Thanks Mom, for your unparalleled love.

And yes, Ling-ling, I too will continue to love as many for love has only one arch enemy and that is life’s hourglass…