My Blog

For a long time, we have been together. Just us. We failed to look around

and see what was going on around us. Our life revolved in each other, no one

else. The world was too colorful, brilliant and perfect that we got so

contented and became oblivious of the real world.

Then, a storm came. A lightning hit us and suddenly we found ourselves

alone, with no one to hold on to but ourselves. It was tough. Life became

stagnant and both of us could not seem to move forward. What was once a

rainbow-colored world became black and white. At an instance, I found

myself so alone with no one to turn to.

I wept and wept until I could cry no more and it was then that I looked

around and realized that there is a wide, wide world that exists beyond the

walls that I created while in the midst of obsession. I began noticing

other creatures around me and for the first time, I heard melodies coming

from the silence of the surroundings – melodies that soothe my breaking

heart.
My surroundings changed. I could not describe where I am, all I know is

that I feel like fluffy clouds envelope me, comforting me from all the pain

and suffering. I felt like I’m in a cocoon, shielded from all the cruelties

of the outside world.

I froze and it was then that the powerful writing of Khalil Gibran flashed

right before my eyes… It was God speaking to me, through Gibran’s wisdom:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that
quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the
earth.

Like sheaves of corn, he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred
bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of
your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of
love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your
laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, I am in
the heart of God.”

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy,
directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of
loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of
praise upon your lips.

Indeed! Love wounded and crucified me and even shattered my dreams. It left

me naked, wasted and bleeding… yet, through it all, I am here, clothed by

the miraculous tenderness of God’s embrace.

My heart is filled with overflowing gratitude for all the realizations that

dawned upon me. As I was about to look up at the heavens to thank God, I

noticed familiar footsteps getting closer…

Now, I am ready to love him. I can feel that I am whole enough to revel in his

love.

The first and the last time I met her was when she was still a baby who couldn’t sleep without her cute little pillow with a smell that no one could stand but her….and mind you, she couldn’t sleep without it. ( I guess…I’m giving you away here, girl.). The next time I had a glimpse of what’s in her heart and head was now, right this very hour…through Friendster!

Now, why am I talking about her? Well…she’s all grown up now and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her. I liked her blogs so much. To the point of snatching a line from there and use it here on mine. If this is plagiarism, I feel proud to plagiarize my niece’s writing. After all, despite the fact that I hate plagiarism, I secretly believe that when your works are copied, it means they are very, very special and that you came up with a certain idea in a perfect way that no one can ever put it any better.

I know the line is similar to a quote from Jean Anouilh, a French Dramatist, but it’s the way that Sherry Lynn has put it that struck a string in my heart.

“I will continue to love as many for love has only one arch enemy and that is life’s hourglass.” – Sherry Lynn Lluisma

Her fingers kept on brushing through the long strands of my hair… “Life can be tough sometimes… I understand what you are going through, but you’ll get over it and say: this too, shall pass.” Sweetly, she uttered those comforting words as my tears kept pouring like heavy rains in June. That was my first heartbreak. I had several relationships, but I think, I fell in love only once. He was simple, kind and loving. I gave up so many dreams just to be with him. Ours started as casual that bloomed to a serious informal engagement but unfortunately broken by culture and tradition. We both tried our best to hold on, but fate did not permit. We have to let go. Devastated, the first action I did was to hide in my shell. I didn’t want to see anybody and I didn’t want them to see me, either. Like a turtle, I hid and found solace in the warmth of my carapace. It was 2 a.m. I entered my bedroom, kept the lights off, guided to my bed by the twinkling Christmas lights of my neighbors. My water bed, which normally gives me comfort and coolness, had lost its splendor. I was sweating profusely… even the air conditioner did not help at all. I tried closing my eyes to get some sleep, but my mind was awake. My heart wanted to explode… thoughts, memories flooded my mind! I stood up, rushed out of my apartment and ran a few miles… The doorstep still looked the same as when I was a young woman playing with our dog, Babu. Three pairs of slippers neatly arranged at the left side of the doormat with the faded word “Welcome.” Oh! Welcome, for the first time, I felt the real meaning of that word. I rang the bell… once, twice, it’s 3:30am. I kept on trying. Finally, she opened the door. A surprised look in her face greeted me and without saying a word she gave me the most comforting hug I have ever received from her. Tears kept on streaming down my face as she walked me to her bedroom. She gave me my two favorite pillows and started rubbing my back. Those gentle caresses choke off the pain stuck in my throat and I let out a sob. The sobbing just went on and on… until it turned to a loud cry. Worried but calm, she sat on the bed, gently lifted my head, put it on her lap and started brushing her fingers through my long tresses. That was a long time ago, but her words still reverberate in my mind: “This too, shall pass.” It did. Now, I feel luckier, happier and blessed as I see a clearer, brighter and better future ahead of me. Now, I am ready to fall in love again. Empowered and strengthened by her undying love, I have the courage to fall in love over and again. Thanks Mom, for your unparalleled love.

And yes, Ling-ling, I too will continue to love as many for love has only one arch enemy and that is life’s hourglass…